Appreciating the Do’s and Don’ts of Best Relationship Practices
How many of us have put ‘Excellent Communication Skills’ on our resume? I would bet it’s close to 100%, but how many of us are truly excellent communicators? As good as our intentions may be, we may be unintentionally making mistakes when communicating that could be prevented before our work (or personal) relationships start to suffer. Why are mistakes happening? The short answer is we are busy, stressed, and/or want to problem-solve quickly to move onto the next thing. Effective communication is an essential tool in maintaining strong, lasting relationships but what is considered effective? Read on to become the communication expert that you are meant to be and start rapidly building relationship trust, respect, appreciation, which will (spoiler alert!) increase productivity, output, and morale.
Listening Isn’t Enough
We’ve all been guilty at some point of not resisting the urge to jump in and say something while someone else is talking. Resist the temptation and let the person finish. Speaking out of turn or interrupting will not give you all of the information you need to properly interpret and comment appropriately. Even worse, you are putting yourself first which unintentionally sends a message saying, “My words are more important than your words.” This won’t lead to mutual respect and appreciation. In fact, that person may even lose the motivation and desire to finish speaking and now there’s a communication breakdown. Listening is critical but that’s just the first building block to get to the next level of listening – Comprehension. You are listening but do you really understand what is being said? If the recipient is misunderstood then we are no further along in having a productive and successful conversation. When it’s your turn, reiterate what you think is being said back to the person to make sure you have it right before moving on.
Who is trying to accomplish what?
Remember throughout the conversation what the agenda is. What is the purpose of the conversation? What is the goal (or is there a goal) trying to be achieved? Are you taking the appropriate action(s)? Should you be leading this agenda? Keep the other person’s goals and objectives in mind as you go along. If you’ve taken over or gone off on a tangent, then get back on track and give the other person the opportunity to speak. As support persons in our professions, we often want to jump in and help by giving advice or offer solutions too quickly. This can be a big mistake for the reasons I mentioned earlier. If possible, learn what your role is before the conversation starts. For example, not everyone who speaks to you is looking to bounce ideas off you in order to find out what you think. I quickly learned that an emotional teenage daughter is often just looking to vent and not always looking for advice. Sometimes someone just needs a hug or an ear – not a solution.
Honesty and Apology
Be true to your feelings. If you don’t agree to what’s being said and have a different perspective, then speak up and voice it if appropriate. If we conform and not share our different viewpoints then we are not contributing to the solution or challenging the discussion to achieve a better result. Another one to remember is to apologize when it is appropriate to do so. Why is this so difficult for some of us? Apologizing is difficult because it can temporarily reduce our self-esteem and make us feel vulnerable. It can also feel like we’re losing our control of the situation and what happens next, and that does not feel comfortable for many of us. However, remember that it is more important to repair the relationship and maintain mutual respect for one another. This is because whether you meant it or not, the relationship needs repairing before we can move on.
The 24-hour Rule
This is very difficult but can be very effective when followed. Someone at some point will say something to us that is upsetting, and we will feel inclined to respond quickly. Unfortunately, the first response is usually the emotional one which will only further ‘fuel the fire’ and then both parties lose. Moreover, responding immediately is often to respond emotionally and this won’t allow us time to reflect and decide what is the best and appropriate action(s) to take next. Take a deep breath and take the necessary time to calm down before responding. The 24-rule is generally defined as a conscious decision to wait 24 hours before making any important decisions that do not require an immediate response. This doesn’t mention anything about taking the time to calm down first but in some cases it may. In cases that require a quicker response, still take a few minutes to distance yourself from the situation to calm down first. One technique is to make some bullet notes on what you want to say & how to appropriately say it. If we remain respectful, considerate, and professional, then our chances of achieving a mutually successful result will be high.
When to call someone
Sometimes a text or email is not the best choice. Sure it’s greatly effective for quick communication exchanges for simple day-to-day discussions but be careful when it is something very important and meaningful to both parties or the recipient. Ask yourself before sending an electronic message how you would feel if you received the same message. Something very important deserves a phone call to ensure clarity, proper explanation and avoid being misconstrued. Another word of advice: Don’t shy away from a potentially uncomfortable conversation with an electronic message. It may be easier at first to hide behind your message and avoid talking to the person, but it will not build mutual respect and trust in the long run.
Conclusion & Summary
Effective communication is like a two-way street: If we are only going in one direction then we are going to miss out on what’s at the other end. I’m sure we can all agree that we cannot overcommunicate through times like these, but there’s always room for improvements to bring out the best in us and others. This proves to be less intimidating when starting off small and making just one change at a time. Above all else, everyone deserves respect and consideration.
For more information on this subject and other best practices that help to create strong connections and increased productivity please contact us at info@culturedhr.com
Stay well everyone!
